Tomorrow.. is 7 years. May 12, 2001-- changed my life. Perhaps for better, perhaps for worse. I am in college. Seeing an amazing girl. But that doesnt stop the throb in my heart. Everyday that goes by, my mother isnt here to see it. If there is a heaven, she shouldve been accepted. She helped so many people... but suicide is a sin in many religions.

What would I give to see you again... to hear you tell me you are proud of me. That you are happy i am in college and making something of myself. But what am I making? I am just fucking most of it up. Working doesnt help... just makes me realize that I dont have enough money to live on.

I have so much though. A beautiful girl. A loving family. I am not the dumbest person in the world. I have a good job, lots of friends. My health for now... I just want you here with me. Life is so fucked up sometimes. Bad things happen to good and bad people. Most people couldnt deal with the shit they are dealt with, I think I have done alright. I am not dead. And I will not accept that as an answer to my problems. I will lift my head and go on living. Its all I know how to do. Just dont judge me. I am sure you are not impressed with the fact that I am gay. But its my life and I wouldnt judge those you love. Mama, I miss you. And I wish you could understand.
I will write tomorrow. I'll never forget you.