Swingin' start here.

"Take off your hat."

"What? Why? You hate when I cut my hair."

"I want to see just how short it is this time."

"I have been doing it for the past 5 years, arent you used to it by now?"

"How can ANYONE be used to a girl looking like THAT."

"I am used to it."

"Then that is ALL that matters I guess."

Sometimes screaming is all I can do.  In my head of course.  Just so sick of never being accepted.  All I can do is stand my ground even if it means being looked down upon.

"When did you get that new hole in your head"

"Um, I have had it for a while."

"Well it just surprises me just how you continue to disrespect me."

"I dont feel it is about disrespecting you."

"I only asked that you not do anymore until you are out of my house."

"It is my body, I feel I should do what I want with it."

"But this is my house."

"That it is."

I dont know how to feel anymore.  I used to be proud of myself.  Used to be proud of my strong moral foundation, that everyone, deep down can be a good person and is when they chose to be.  But I keep looking back and seeing the things she says to me.

"You're hair is too short."

"Why do you wear mens clothes, do you want to be a man?"

"You've gained weight."

"If I ever see you kiss a girl, I will stop in my tracks and puke."

The last statement has scarred me more than words can possibly describe.

"Well then I guess I wont be inviting you to my wedding, since you cant bare to see me happy."

"I just can't bare to see you with a woman."

Would it kill her just to see that I am happy being with a woman?  No, infact it will not.  It will not strike her dead on the spot.  It could make her stomach turn, but don't fucking say it to me.  I have enough to worry about than her opinions of how ugly I am, or how fat I am.  Or how I am indeed a lesbian, something I can not control.

"I pray everyday, that I will wake up and be straight just for you.  Its true."

I would give so much just to make her proud of me for ONE DAY!!!!!!! THATS ALL I WANT... ONE DAY TO MAKE HER HAPPY THAT SHE CHOSE TO TAKE ME IN... I have only been a burden for the past 7 and 1/2 years.  A burden that needs to be squashed, like a bug on the windshield. Or dog shit that you hose off in the front yard, water on full blast, to make sure you get it out of the creases.  Nothing but scum and shit in her eyes.  I want it to be different.

Even if just for a day.